Monday, June 1, 2009
The people that know me well just read that title and thought "yeah, that pretty much sums it up!"
I know I have character flaws.. I am arrogant, I can be pretty fucking harsh, I have an elitist attitude sometimes. I realize I have these issues, and I REALLY am trying to work on them. I don't WANT to offend people, or hurt their feelings, or make them feel like a lesser human being when I am around. I really don't.
One of the causes of these issues is that I have above-average intelligence. On top of that, everyone I work with (well, almost everyone) has genius IQs as well. Now this is no accomplishment of mine, I did not work to become more intelligent. In fact, being more intelligent made me lazy in school.
But due to the fact that I have a genius IQ, and everyone that I work with does as well, I am used to higher level of understanding. I can have some serious conversation about some deep subjects, and no one ever has to go "wait, what the hell did you just say?".
So, when I am talking to people that are average or below average intelligence, it is sometimes VERY hard for me to get points across. In my younger years, that would mean ultimate frustration followed by an insult of some kind. I know - asshole. I really do try these days to explain things, and in a helpful way - not condescending.
Well the other night, I had religious debate with a very close friend of mine. I completely fell of off the "be nice" bandwagon. At first, I really tried to stay civil, and not insult him. But after about 2 hours of hearing the most ridiculous analogies, and arguments of magic and faith, I could contain myself no more. I turned right back to my judgmental prickish ways. I mocked his analogies, I called his arguments ridiculous, etc. At the end of the night, all it did was make 2 friends angry at each other. I felt bad about it for days.
Another point of arrogance in my life has been jobs and money. I got into the technical world at a pretty young age. I was making more than most of my friends, and somehow thought this made me "Better" than them. I stopped hanging out with my old friends that were still working at fast food or stereo shops. I looked down on blue-collar people. Well the joke is on me. While I have stayed at the same job, and made the same thing for the past 10 years, these "blue collar" people have slowly passed me in wages. They have either been promoted or moved in to sales jobs. Here I am with my same title, and same pay, and no chance of moving up. NOW who is looking down on who?
Technical departments look down on the sales people - I think that's the same at every company. The techs think that because they can fix computers, they are better. I have always felt that way. I don't even like computers.. I don't like troubleshooting them, and when I get off work, computers are not my hobby. BUT - because I could do the work, I have.
Lately, my wife and I have been putting a lot focus on getting out of debt. So, in the afternoons, I have started to sell roofs for a local roofing company. Come to find out, I AM a salesman! All these years thinking I was "Better" than that, and here I am LOVING it! Plus, if I focused all of my attention on that job, I could easily double my "elite" technical job's pay.
As much as I feel like I have learned lessons lately about what an arrogant prick I have been, it is hard to shake a lot of those habits. The other day, I was in my roofing shirt, and was going to pick up my daughter from daycare. I immediately had a feeling of shame about it. Like they were going to judge me for being a lowly roofer. *sigh*
The first step to becoming a better person is to realize your flaws. I have a lot of them. I HOPE that I have identified my major character flaws, and I really am trying to fix them.
So for the people reading this that are close to me: If you notice me displaying these assholish traits, PLEASE don't hesitate to point it out to me!
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