The Camping Trip - Part 1

Posted by Doodface

Monday, August 18, 2008

*WARNING*! The following post portrays drug use, underage drinking, and general tom foolery – all of which I abhor (or at least that’s what I have to say). Oh yeah, and Mr. DEA guy – this is a work of fiction, and definitely did NOT happen!

During the spring of '97, I and 2 buddies of mine – Dan and Justin, decided to take a camping trip in the North Georgia Mountains. We were all very excited about this trip, as we were 17, and craved freedom of any kind. We planned for weeks on everything that we would bring, what we would do, etc. At the time, I was driving a 1986 ½ (yes, ½) Nissan Hardbody Truck with the long bed. I also had a camper top (the kind with the high roof) for the truck. The day before the trip, we managed to FILL the back of the truck to capacity with “necessities”.

Some campers enter the woods with a single backpack, we showed up with Tents, Furniture, pots and pans, cooking utensils, blow up mattresses, heaters, lanterns, an axe, enough food to feed 5 people, and pretty much anything else we would need – or so we thought. Oh, did I mention the drugs and alcohol (which are really, really bad, kids!!). We had a good friend (who will remain nameless to hide his evildoings), that happened to be over 21, do some shopping for us, and ended up with enough alcohol to sufficiently kill all 3 of us and every surrounding woodland creature. We had Vodka, Bourbon, SoCo, Goldschlager, AfterShock, and tons of beer. We also had a good bit of weed, about 3 cartons of cigarettes, and some LSD. We were set for a very good 3 days.

On the eve of the big trip, Dan spent the night at my house. Justin was going to meet us up there later in the day. We were so excited that we just could not sleep. At about 2 am, we just gave up. We started the 2 hours drive with the truck-load of gear. When we finally reached the state park, it was around 4 am, and at least 2 ½ hours until the sun would be up. Somehow, we managed to find a ”perfect” location to set up camp. It was a nice, flat area, with sufficient room for 3 tents. We were right next to a stream, and not too far from the road. It could not have been better. So in the dark, I drove my 4X4
down 2 small embankments to get to the flat area.

We unpacked everything we needed, and set up the tents (still in the dark). All I needed to do before we could go to sleep was to pull the truck back up to the road. Well it turns out that the 2 “small” embankments were pretty damn steep. So steep, that when I tried to pull my truck back up the hill, my front bumper just ran right into the dirt.

Oh. SHIT.

I tried every angle, tried backwards (which was even worse, seeing as it was a long-bed truck). I just could not get my truck up that hill. So as any “real” man would do, I resorted to brute force. My brilliant plan was to back up the truck as far as I could (which was about 50 feet, and accelerate towards the hill as fast as possible. I gunned it, driving as if my life depended on it, and hit the hill at the top of second gear (which is pretty fucking fast to hit a 75 degree hill). The front bumper ran dead in to the hill, and BOUNCED upwards. I am still on the gas at this point, so after the big bounce off of the hill, the forward momentum sends me up and over!! I still have another hill to get up, so I just keep on the gas. Miraculously, the SAME THING happens. Ram the hill, bounce, and make it up over the top.

My testicles grew 2 sizes in that moment.

I parked the truck at the top of the second hill, we had a short celebration filled with tear-streamed laughter, and we part ways to sleep in our tents for a few hours until Justin arrives. The sun is just coming up as we nod off..

We were awakened by Justin at around 11am, and immediately have to tell him the story about the truck and show him where my front bumper had dug up roots and dirt on the hills. More tear-inducing laughter ensues.

But that’s enough of that talking shit.

We gots alcohol to drink! As we’re getting our lawn chairs out, and setting up camp, we notice cars driving by pretty closely. Little did we know, but in the dark, we had set up camp about 30 yards from the road. Oh, and where my truck was parked? Yeah, that’s right in the middle of a very busy nature trail. So as we are setting a fire, and getting down to some serious underaged drinking, we have cars constantly driving by, and families walking down a trail watching us the whole way. And we were offering many of them beers.

What could possibly go wrong here?


Part 2 coming soon...