The Red Riding Hood of Death

Posted by E

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I made my way through the very dark, thick and tree filled forest on my way to grandmother's house. It was a peaceful day and a warm feeling of happiness filled my chest as I made my way. Today was going to be a very special day for me and my grandmother, because today I was going to spend the day heading to her house for the day. Grandmother would be so surprised and happy when I arrived, especially once she saw the basket full of reasonably priced fruits and vegetables that I brought for her to eat. My basket was stuffed fuller than the mouth of a downs retard after winning second place in a race and being taken to mcdonald's for fries.
Sweat rolled down my back and into the crack of my ass as I neared my grannys house. I only hoped that the fucking bitch was still home so I could show her how much I cared with my basket. I couldnt help noticing though that the door to grandmas was slightly opened and I made my way uneasily into her house out of fear of something terrible happening to my poor grandma. There was no reason to fear though because I made my way into her house and through the living room until I got to her bedroom and opened the door and went inside.
Granny was passed out in her bed, probably from being piss drunk or some shit.
I very politely kicked grandmas bed and asked if she was awake before I got pissed and sat down and pulled out the flask of rum from my pants and had a taste. I slammed the drink back as fast as I could and the alcohol burned my throat as it made its way into my stomach. Finally I started shaking the bed, screaming "wake up, bitch" until grandma's eyes opened and looked over at me with a curious look like she wondered what the fuck I was doing here or something.
"Happy birthday grandma" I said as I pulled out the basket from behind my back and showed it to her. "I brought you food and stuff and we can have a little party".
Grandma just stared at me with dark eyes looking me up and down, causing me to feel very uneasy.
"What's your problem, grandma?" I asked as I looked around nervously, wishing that she'd stop staring so deeply into my eyes. She let out a unearthly growl and I shivered with fear while hoping that I didn't piss my pants like a faggot or some other gay shit like that.
That's when I noticed how dark and animal grandma's eyes looked.
"Hey grandma, you've got big fuckin eyes" I said to my grandmother.
"All the better to see you with" she said eerily.
Looking further down her face I noticed that her nose was flat and cold and wet and rather dark.
"What the fuck's up with your nose?" I asked politely.
"It's better for smelling you with" she said, her eyes never leaving mine.
I was starting to feel really not right about this whole situation. But then I saw grandma's hands pulling down the covers. As it went down past her waist I couldn't but notice that he had the biggest dink I'd ever seen.
"Whoa, grandma, you've got a huge pete! That thing's like four of mine put togeth"
I didn't even get a chance to finish my sentence before grandma leaped from the bed and ripped off all his clothes before screaming, "ALL THE BETTER TO RAPE THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU, FAGGOT!!!", before jumping towards me and pinning me against the wall.
His enormous veiny pete swung between her legs as I cried out for help. But it was no use, and grandma soon jumped up and started furiously fucking my face with such intensity that she literally pinned my head into place. His feet clung to the wall four feet above the ground by his claws as he continued bashing deep into my throat. I gagged and sputtered the entire time I endured his attack. His hirsute frame emitted a musky and sensuous scent that caused my own pete to get hard.
Before I knew it grandma was forcing her enormous rod down my esophagus while simultaneously jerking my pete in the most satisfying way I'd ever felt. I begged and begged for it to stop, but the immensely pleasureful touching just kept going.
Finally I choked as grandma shot a gallon of hot snizz down my throat. I gargled and gagged from the intense pressure while at the same time I felt my own body release and I orgasmed all over my grandmother.
Sated, we both fell back onto the carpet, gasping for breath. I lay there on the floor, tears filling my eyes from the horrific ordeal I had just endured. Without saying a word, I reached into the basket and pulled out my uzi, perforating grandma's warm body with bullets before turning the muzzle on myself and splashing my brains on the wall.

Dissecting the Disabled - Redux

Posted by E

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Just for fun I thought I'd put my own spin on one of Korey666's horror tales. It's not perfect, but hey, I spat it out in no time. At least I don't use phrases like "sodomize the shit out of"...



I stood motionless, ensconced in the inky blackness that filled the room. My heart, though not racing, was pounding against my chest. Nervousness paced back and forth at the edge of my awareness, not quite fully settling in. I steeled myself and attempted to calm my rattled nerves.

This is what I have been waiting for. This is what I have been working towards. This is my...purpose.

A loud clack ratcheted the void, echoing hollowly off the walls; heralding the emergence of a singular beam of light, brilliant against the nullified background. It gazed unblinkingly at a stainless steel table, on top of which lay a man.

His naked frame was held by slackless leather straps on the hands and feet which bound him tightly, restricting any and all movement. The head was crowned by a titanium frame, bolts penetrating through skin and burrowing into the skull, rendering the subject incapable of even the slightest adjustment.

The screech of feedback sliced the stagnant air as a voice bellowed at me from an unseen loudspeaker.

"Well, number four, show us what you've learned."

I swiftly lumbered near my prey, eyes fixated on his feebly struggling frame. I leaned in towards my quarry, fixing my eyes on his, edging ever closer. He let out a whimpering moan, cut soft by the wires that held his jaw into place. I let a steely cold fall across my face as I pushed ever closer. The sputtering exhalations of thickened mucous belied his heightening anxiety as his breathing deepened and accelerated.

I reached over to the stand next to me, never breaking eye contact, while I felt around for my chosen implement. Finding it, I brought it to the space between us, its cold glint offered promises of untold horrors. His eyes widened and his pupils constricted to a single pixel.

My breath came slow but hot inside the surgical mask I wore, and I very deliberately moved the scalpel to the victim's right, outside of his peripheral vision. I pushed its point to the skin just behind the ear and held it in place.

His eyes darted towards the point, but finding himself unable to see it, they spun wildly around the room as panic began to set in. He mumbled what were doubtless pleadings for mercy, though they arrived as nothing more than a jumbled mass of plaintive wailings, held in place by his immovable jaw.

"Look at me," I intoned.

His muttering ceased for a moment and his eyes aligned with mine once more. As soon as they found my gaze I pushed in with the blade and made one continuous cut around his ear and up to the forehead.

He howled his restrained scream of pain as I set to work at stopping the bleeding and cleaning the wound.

Without so much as a second glance I repeated the process on the other side, his groans becoming louder and punctuated by a staccato rhythm as he struggled to breathe.

I worked my hands inside the cavernous wounds on either side of his face, separating muscle from skin and pulling the tissue free from its constraints. My gloved fingers luxured in the moist heat his insides provided, followed by the icy chill of rapid cooling when I pulled them free.

My patient was sliding in and out of consciousness, and though silent for a time, fell to bleating once again as I began removing the excess fat from its biological bondage.

I continued the incisions until I had managed a complete cut around the entire face. I took my time continuing to free the skin from the underlying matter, pausing occasionally to wipe the sweat from my brow.

Satisfied that I completed my prep work, I grabbed the skin at the forehead and began slowly pulling down to remove the face entirely. I made a cut here and there to finalize the separation and continued peeling until his identity had been stripped from him.

Once removed, I cast the soggy mass of flesh aside to begin work on my next project. I prepared the blade to commence another assault when I felt a prick in my right shoulder, immediately followed by the burning sting of fluid being injected into my body.

I came to in the darkness, cold and confused. My limbs were bound tightly. A dull ache resounded through my head as I realized the cold grind of implanted metal that assaulted my crown.

A blinding dash of light clicked on, followed by a disembodied voice.

"Well, number five, show us what you've learned."

The last thing I recall before fading to black was my futile attempt at screaming through my wired jaw.

Christ, He's STILL ON About This?

Posted by E

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I know, another day, another lack of major posts from E. Sorry about that. I have spent about 9 hours in the last couple of days working on the audio book of "Creepy Tales From the Darkside". I'm pretty satisfied with how it has turned out so far. I'd still like to add a little bit of creepy music and maybe the clicks and pops off an LP, just to give it an old school feel.

This stuff is HARD to record, though. Seriously, try and say phrases like "sneak attack of sodomy" or "pleasuring BJ of filth" without pissing yourself. It's nigh impossible to read this stuff with a straight face, let alone try and emote what you're reading.

For my money, it's all worth it. Korey's terrifying tales work even better as spoken word, and I can't recommend trying it out for yourself strongly enough. If you'd like to get a copy, let us know and we can arrange either a download or a physical copy (once everything is finished up).

For those that are interested, here are the rough cuts of each of Korey666's stories of unspeakable horror:

0 - Introduction of Doom
1 - Manual Abortion
2 - Doggystyle
3 - His Majesty
4 - A Bloodbath
5 - Dissecting the Disabled
6 - Three Hillbillies and a Stinky Member
7 - The Giant Member of Death
8 - Bloody Briss
9 - Dumb Bitch


Now that that is done, I should be able to concentrate on some actual writing tonight. I do have some treats lined up for the near future.

Unspeakable Audio Horrors

Posted by E

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Okay folks, sorry to do this to you, but I've got to dip into the Korey666 well again. Look, I'm sure you're all getting tired of him, but the fact remains that he may be the single greatest undiscovered talent on the face of the earth.

I've been trying to work with ideas on how best to spread his love throughout the world. It occurred to me that audio books are all the rage nowadays, what with all the time we spend confined in vehicles.

What I have here is simply a rough draft, an early attempt, if you will, at helping Korey's words leap off the page and straight into your mind. I have done my best to make them as eerie and horrifying to the ear as they are to the eye.

And I'm working on other, non-Korey material at the moment, but hey, a man's gotta post.

Without further ado, I give you Dissecting the Disabled...

UPDATE: The link has been fixed. The file is now available again.

Korey666's Magnum Opus

Posted by E

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I'm a Glutton for Punishment

Posted by E

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Korey666's Triumphant Return

Posted by E

Thursday, January 8, 2009

8. Bloody Briss

I decided to avoid traffic by taking the back roads in an attempt to hopefully arrive sooner. I was already late and knew that the attendants were all waiting on me now. I also didn’t want to get pulled over by a cop on one of the main roads and have him arrest me for being drunk as fuck. After taking another swig of rum I tossed the now empty bottle to the backseat and slammed the pedal to the floor. There were no pedestrians or other vehicles in sight. As my ride soared down the country road, I estimated it would take another five to ten minutes until I arrived at the house.
When I finally did arrive, I stumbled from out of my car and headed lethargically towards the front door. While knocking on the door, I glanced down at my watch and realized I was later than I had expected. They had now been waiting for me for over an hour. The door opened revealing about twenty friends and relatives gathered within the house. I was greeted by Sherin, the mother of the baby. “We’ve been waiting for you!” she said with a smile.
“I’m sorry Sherin, something came up at the last minute.”
“Oh? Is everything alright?” she asked with a concerned look.
“Don’t worry, everything is fine now,” I assured her. “Let’s get started, shall we?”
As I removed my jacket and boots, I peered into the living room and noticed there were even more guests than I had seen from the doorway. There were almost twice as many in sight now, all standing with fancy wine glasses in hand. They stood throughout the living room, dining room and kitchen casually chatting with one another. In my drunken mind state, their voices sounded like nothing more than a loud buzzing of incoherent babble.
Having finally arrived, the briss could now begin. If you don’t already know what a briss is, it’s the traditional Jewish ceremony where a newborn infant is circumcised exactly eight days after he has been born. The parents had hired me to remove the foreskin from the child.
I joined the family in the living room and was told to have a seat in the chair that was placed in the center of the room by the babies father. I sat down comfortably and asked Sherin to hold the baby for me. She complied and restrained her son while I reached into my large black bag filled with circumcision tools and prepared to go to work.
Without warning, a murderous, senile expression formed on my face and instead, I pulled out a giant axe from the bag and held it over my head. I swung the axe down towards the infants dick, detaching his shaft and leaving the little faggot forever celibate. Veins began bulging from my neck and biceps as the attendants of the briss gasped in horror. I turned the axe around in my hand and sent it sailing towards my head, splitting my own face in half. Chunks of my brain shot from out of my head and sprayed the guests as my body collapsed to the floor in a pool of my own blood.


"Ooh, scary," as Count Floyd might say.

Yet another tragic tale of misery and horror spun for us by the great Korey666, master of the macabre, tyrant of terror, the hierophant of horror.

Okay, maybe not. More like another heapin' helpin' of Korey666's inscrutable misanthropy. A story so horrific that you can smell the odor of sun-warmed garbage wafting through your nostrils as you choke and heave your way to the end.

In this unnerving fright fest we join Rabbi Korey666, as he goes about his rabbi business in a drunken haze, making his way towards his unsuspecting victims' home, in order that he might perform what will ultimately become a fatal "briss" on a young child.

Note number one to Korey... Check your spelling. We're all guilty of a minor spelling error here and there, but spelling bris with an extra "s" is kind of a biggie. Especially when you're trying to make us believe that YOU ARE A RABBI. Jewish holy men tend to know the vocabulary associated with their religion.

Let me give you a couple of examples:

So I cut off the infadels head in the name of Alah.
I held aloft the crusafix and said, "The power of Krist compels you" as I cast the demon out.

And therein lies the lesson. No Muslim would misspell Allah or infidel, much as no Christian would miss crucifix or Christ.

I know it might seem like I'm splitting hairs here, but again, you're supposed to be portraying a man who has studied the Torah his entire life. I would suspect that the ceremonies you are granted the power to perform would be understood by you.

But don't let yourself be saddened by all this. I'm really just trying to help you out. I know you really want nothing more than to shock and offend your audience. More power to you, man. There's a lot of fun to be had in that type of writing.

If you want to do that, why not take the bris to its logical conclusion? A little bit of research gives you some opportunities to work with here.

Ever heard of Metzitzah? That's a controversial practice wherein the newly circumcised genitals of the baby are sucked on by the mohel (that'd be you, Korey) in order to promote healing. Besides conjuring a sickening mental image, you get another bonus. Know why it's controversial and infrequently practiced nowadays? Because it has been shown to transmit herpes from the mohel to the baby in some cases.

There you go, man. Baby circumcision sucking followed by herpetic transmission. That's some pretty nasty stuff. For an added bonus, pop the foreskin in your mouth for the seudat mitzvah (a celebratory meal enjoyed after the bris).

Wow, see what TEN MINUTES of research can do for you? You get to take it to a new level while maintaining at least an air of believability.

There's what I would suggest to help sicken the mood and offend the reader. I'd use some clever wording, no doubt, but that's the gist of it. What route did you take?

OH YEAH, you produced an AXE out of your "large black bag filled with circumcision tools" (which would only consist of a scalpel, gloves, sterilization pouch and a glass tube for the metzitzah) and somehow managed to swing a chop DOWNARDS and remove the penis of a baby which is being held by its mother.

Dude. Seriously?

So, you bust onto the scene, all slick like a semitic Steve McQueen, and after convincing AN ENTIRE HOUSE FULL of people that you're actually a rabbi, you try to chop off the penis of a baby WHILE ITS MOTHER HOLDS IT.

Let me give you a visual aid. (Click on the picture to see an AWESOME animation.)



Clever mom, isn't she? She happened to notice you pulling an axe out of your bag, drawing it back, swinging it over your head and bringing it down towards her future grandchildren and just pulled it out of the way.

See, Korey, that's how this story really ends.

In my version of the story they would have noticed the drunk kid in the Slipknot shirt pretending to be a middle-aged rabbi and called you on it. But even for shits and giggles I'll pretend that you made it in the house.

The fact of the matter is: you didn't cut off that baby's junk. His wang maintained entirety. There is simply NO WAY IN HELL you pulled that off. Even if mother DIDN'T pull the baby out of the way, how did you manage to (and I paraphrase) detach his shaft and leave the little faggot forever celibate?

Look at the picture closely, Korey.

Baby junk is tiny. Really, really tiny. The edge of an axe is rather blunt. They're not sharp instruments. Beheadings by axe were a pretty messy affair, because they're much better at mushing things than perfectly slicing them.

Even then, the baby is held in its mother's arms. Do you think she's going to leave him there and absorb the impact so that you can manage a clean cut? Are you so precise that you can cut off an object smaller than half a tube of Rolaids with an axe? Are you Shaggy 2 Dope, pulling your axe from your holster with a quickness?

No, you're just an idiot from a literary perspective.

At best you would have managed to smash the baby's midriff up a bit. Very unlikely that you would manage any severe damage. And either way, the other 30 people or so in the house would be "fucking the shit out of your anus" or some such drivel by the time that axe got within 5 feet of that baby. But, whatever. You're the master spinner of stories here.

So, after determining that an infant is a "faggot" (something medical science has yet to be able to figure out) you go for the ultimate finish, the famed "axe through the head suicide".

I take two issues with this ending to your story.

The first is simple. I defy you to do that. Go ahead. (This isn't just for Korey, we can ALL play along, kids.) Grab an axe, turn it towards your face and split your head in half. Bet you can't.

Hell, grab a knife and make a deep and injurious cut on yourself. (Emo cutters, no fair, you can't play.) You can't.

Why? Because our bodies are kind of programmed to NOT KILL OURSELVES.

Suicide is not an easy thing to do, man. Many, many people fail at their attempt to end their own life. The reasons being that A) we're wired to survive at all costs and B) WE'RE WIRED TO SURVIVE AT ALL COSTS. Anybody with the fortuity to actually split their own head in half with an axe is not likely to be performing a bris beforehand. They will be so detached from reality as to be nonfunctional in society.

But again, hey, whatever. It's your story.

But there's still one thing left that's bothering me.

Oh, I know what it is! You killed yourself in THIRD PERSON PAST TENSE.

"Chunks of my brain shot from out of my head and sprayed the guests as my body collapsed to the floor in a pool of my own blood."

Really? That happened? When did you find time to write about it?

For fuck's sake, man, if you're going to "shock" your audience by engaing in an act like AXE SUICIDE, at least take the time to write it, I don't know, from your OWN perspective? Maybe, just maybe write it as if it were happening NOW, so that the shock was, errr, SHOCKING?

One day I will sit down and rewrite your stories and hand them back. It would really be a fun challenge.

But, as rough as I treat you Korey666, I do have to thank you for one thing. You have given me the single greatest line ever written in the history of language. If I could end every comedy piece I'd ever written with this line I would.


"AWWW FUCKIN' GOD, MY BLOODY PETE, A-HOLE AND NIPPLES HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED TO ASHES!!!"

More Creepy Tales From the Darkside

Posted by E

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Greetings, fright fans... Are you ready for another terrifying tale from Korey666, the master of horror? Do you have what it takes to make your way through another twisted tale of terror? Will you be able to sleep this night after seeing what evils he has in store for you? Dare you read any further?

I do not wish to sully your experience with this master of the macabre, so I present to you the next from his continuing series of "Creepy Tales From the Darkside", a frightful tale I like to call...

6. Three Hillbillies and a Stinky Member

Sweat poured down my face as the heat from the scorching sun projected through the window of my pick-up. I was alone, exhausted, dehydrated, and stranded in the middle of nowhere. According to my map, it would be several hours until I found any type of rest stop.
Fortunately, I noticed in the distance an old broken down car garage next to a gas station. The place appeared to be completely deserted as I neared closer. Realizing the gas tank of my pick-up truck was running on empty, I crossed my fingers, hoping I'd be able to get it filled here. I pulled the truck over onto the gravel and got out.
To my surprise, there was a tall shirtless man sprawled out on a wooden rocking chair in front of the gas station. "Excuse me sir? Do you think you could fill up the tank for me?" I asked.
"I don't reckon y'all gonna find any fuel for your truck around here... ain't another motherfucker in sight for miles either".
He glared at me with an eerie grin and began laughing hysterically as a chill swept over me. His hideous redneck face made me want to barf. Feeling very uneasy about this fucker, I walked back to the truck as quick as possible and hopped in. When I went to turn the key I noticed it had been removed from the ignition. "Lookin' for something?"
I was startled by a sickeningly grotesque hillbilly popping his head out from under my seat where the gas pedal was and positioning his head inches away from my Pete. Without warning, the other hillbilly snuck up from behind me, grabbed me by my neck and held me there as the other one unzipped my pants and began giving me a very intense blow job. I shrieked and shrieked, but it was no use. He just kept giving me this pleasuring BJ of filth. His toothless mouth and germ-infested saliva created an extremely euphoric sensation, but I struggled to get lose and finally threw him off me and jumped from out of the truck.
I was clotheslined hard to the ground by another hillbilly. He knelt me down and pushed my face into the gravel and plunged into my tight anus with his huge, hairy, hideous and smelly Pete. He was moving so fast that the pain became unbearable and I burst out into tears. The other two began popping gross zits on their chests and shooting the puss all over my face and Pete. Then, as I was still having my asshole reconstructed, one of them buried his a-hole in my face and began fucking himself with my huge Greek nose. He continued until he finally orgasmed and lost control of all the muscles in his body, sending putrid foul-smelling, yellow diarrhea all over my face and in my nose.
I had had just about enough sexual abuse from these inbred Neanderthals. I reached down into my sock and equipped myself with my pocket knife and used it to sodomize the fucking shit out of these hideous incest junkies. All three of these filthy freaks laid there groaning in pain as blood dripped from their unwiped assholes. I had given myself enough time to quickly fill up my tank and vacate this hellhole, just as long as the pump was intact. Fortunately, it was and I proceeded to fill up the truck. With my blade still in hand, I cautiously kept my eyes focused on these three scumbags to prevent another sneak attack of sodomy.
When the tank reached full and I prepared to get my ass the fuck out of this place, a sinister idea entered my head. It was now time to get revenge on these faggots. I snatched up the gas pump for the second time and walked over to the closest redneck who remained wounded on the ground. I rolled him over onto his stomach and violently jammed the end of the pump deep into his anal cavity as he threw his head back and cried out for help. I pulled the trigger and let the flammable fluid leak out into his colon.
There were small pebbles of gravel stuck to the hardened blood and feces on his anus. I filled both of the other hillbillies' rectums with the gasoline and left the pump laying on the ground to leak out all over the premises. I hopped into my vehicle and lit a match. "See you in fucking hell, fuckin' motherfuckers!" I screamed as I tossed it out the window and sped off through the dirt.
Their bodies became engulfed in flames as I watched through the rear-view mirror and heard their blood-curdling cries. Seconds before these fucks burned to bloody ashes, I heard the final words of one of the hillbillies. "AWWW FUCKIN' GOD, MY BLOODY PETE, A-HOLE AND NIPPLES HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED TO ASHES!!!"


Now admittedly, as a transported northerner living in the deep south, I can attest that forced hillbilly sodomy is an all-too-real terror that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Redneck rape is a problem that is completely out of control here in the south. What's that? You've never heard about that? Well, there's a reason. No major news outlet wants to send reporters here to discuss the matter because THEY WILL BE RAPED BY HILLBILLIES. And that is the truth.

As this is a day-to-day fear of my own, I feel that I can really read this terror tale with an eye for detail, as this is a story that is never more than a few seconds away from being my reality.

Korey666's tale starts off simply enough, a tired and overheated motorist stranded in the middle of nowhere, desperate for fuel and badly needed rest. His apparent mistrust of his surroundings is not unwarranted, as southerners have a bad reputation for, as Korey666 would say, raping the shit out of outsiders. As this is written in first person, we can only assume that this is Korey666 himself, tired and desperate.

He finds respite at a local gas station and stops to fill up. However, the attendant informs him that no gas is available and sets into motion events that begin to make Korey666 uneasy. His wariness begins to build as he describes the hideous visage before him.

"His hideous redneck face made me want to barf."

Korey666's eloquence belies the sinister story he is about to weave for us. He hops back into his vehicle and is then STUNNED as he "was startled by a sickeningly grotesque hillbilly popping his head out from under my seat where the gas pedal was and positioning his head inches away from my Pete."

Good lord, not his Pete! I can only imagine what horrible things this vile beast will do to his Pete, not to mention what could be done with his bozac. I just hope that the redneck doesn't go for an impressive reverse-vasectomy, that would be BAD.

This is where it gets interesting. We're led to believe that now begins the unbearable sexual tortures perpetuated upon our narrator. Of course, Korey666 is ALL FUCKING MAN and totally doesn't have any kind of homorific thoughts running through his head. This is evident in passages such as:

"the other hillbilly snuck up from behind me, grabbed me by my neck and held me there as the other one unzipped my pants and began giving me a very intense blow job"
"His toothless mouth and germ-infested saliva created an extremely euphoric sensation"

You're goddamn right, Korey666 is HATING this! He's in hell! An extremely euphoric hell, but hell, nonetheless.

But the degradation just keeps on going as "The other two began popping gross zits on their chests and shooting the puss all over my face and Pete", a maneuver made all the more interesting when you consider that Korey666 is currently facedown in the gravel with a horrifying monster "plunged into my tight anus with his huge, hairy, hideous and smelly Pete".

Jesus, his hell must be indescribable, but it only gets worse as the smelliest and grossest redneck of them all "buried his a-hole in my face and began fucking himself with my huge Greek nose"..."until he finally orgasmed and lost control of all the muscles in his body, sending putrid foul-smelling, yellow diarrhea all over my face and in my nose."

The suffering that Korey666 has now had to endure is beyond measure. The degradation, humiliation and complete loss of self must be pushing him into a place few have ever dared to tread. And Korey666 "had had just about enough sexual abuse from these inbred Neanderthals". Just about enough. Maybe a little more. In the anus. With a swollen Pete, please.

So bla, bla, bla, Korey666 beats up his attackers, fills their respective ani with gasoline and sets them on fire. The end, right?

No, Korey666 manages to end this story with the single greatest line of dialogue ever written in the history of literature. A line so full of truth and realism that I sometimes get cold shudders down my spine just to recall it.

"Seconds before these fucks burned to bloody ashes, I heard the final words of one of the hillbillies. "AWWW FUCKIN' GOD, MY BLOODY PETE, A-HOLE AND NIPPLES HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED TO ASHES!!!"

Now, I've lived in the south a good chunk of my life. The first thing I can tell you about southerners, they LOVE to use the word bloody. They use it all the bloody time, usually when they're asking for some biscuits or nipping off for a spot of tea. Pip, pip, cheerio.

What makes that line work is the fact that that's EXACTLY how people talk.

When I'm set on fire, I ALWAYS make mention of the various parts on me that are currently burning, and then point out which have already burned and been transformed to ashes.

Seriously? Transformed to ashes?

The dying scream of a man who has just had his ass filled with gasoline and set alight is "Awww fuckin' god, my bloody Pete, a-hole and nipples have been transformed to ashes!!!"

First off, fuck your nipples. Of all the bits that are currently on fire, they should score the lowest, as your Pete and a-hole serve specific biological functions. For the average redneck hillbilly, lactation will not be a concern, so nipples are right out.

Secondly, who the fuck refers to their ass as their "a-hole", ESPECIALLY when they are currently on fire? My experience has dictated that there is an inverse proportional ratio between the level of pain a person feels and the relative vocabulary they exhibit. Most who are hurting resort to four letter words and their ilk. In Korey666's world, they resort to rarely used slang to bemoan their circumstance.

And not only do they resort to poor slang, but they apparently give you a play by play. Owwww, my bozac is on fire. OWWW, my bozac is shrivelling from heat. OH FUCK, MY BOZAC HAS BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO ASHES!!!

Korey666, your talents never cease to amaze me. Whether you're writing intense dialog such as "See you in fucking hell, fuckin' motherfuckers!", or using your eloquence to express your revenge scenarios with flowing verbage like "I reached down into my sock and equipped myself with my pocket knife and used it to sodomize the fucking shit out of these hideous incest junkies.", you always manage to horrify your readers with your limitless depictions of pain and suffering.

If only I could find the talent to match yours.

More to come...

Creepy Tales from the Darkside - Part 1

Posted by E

Sunday, January 4, 2009

At least a handful of times in my history here at Omni, I have trodden into somewhat offensive territory. I don't necessarily wallow in my crepulence, but on occasion I do enjoy wading out into the murky waters of putresence that linger on the outskirts of my brain. And while I do enjoy writing things of an offensive nature, there is a certain degree of caution that must be exercised when writing things such as that.

Point in example: One has to be certain that they've established a rapport with their reader before they can write things describing in horrifying detail the actions of a jawless gimp forced to vomit putrefying feces into the fresh stab wound of a hermaphrodite.

This is very true. Try slipping that kind of content into the six o'clock news and you'll likely be sanctioned by the FCC. Try and slap that into the middle of a perfectly normal piece about orphanage funding and they'll run you out of town.

But...build expectations properly and ease your reader into it and they will allow you to sicken their mind with detail after vulgar detail. They may complain afterward about how disgusting you are, but nevertheless they will allow you to take their minds places they would normally never consider even in their darkest nightmares.

I'm not claiming to be the king at this, or even to have some secret knowledge that makes me any better than the majority of writers out there. The fact remains, however, that there is a certain degree of skill required to properly offend or upset your readers.

I see these types of writing as a covenant, a bond between myself and the reader. As the writer, I know where I intend to take you. I know what dark depths I will plumb in my quest to disturb you. If I wish you to be a willing participant, I must earn your trust. You must be willing to allow my mental attacks. As such, if I give up the ghost too quick, or do not establish a connection with you, you will find my works of horror pedantic, dull and sometimes even downright silly.

So why all this buildup? Am I just here to stroke my own ego? Am I simply talking about what an AWESOME writer I am for no real purpose?

I will tell you why I am discussing this. It can be said in one wordish object: Korey666

I don't know if Korey666 is a reader of Omni or not. He certainly has had the opportunity to find us. If he is, he should probably stop reading, as I am not going to be at my nicest for the rest of this article.

I first ran across Korey666's work in a forum post entitled "Short excerpt from a book I'm writing... would you read it?".

Right away I should have known to expect trouble. With a title like "Short excerpt", I'm sure the average user wasn't expecting the FIVE THOUSAND WORD collection of stories that he posted forthwith.

As a writer, I feel it's not really my place to critique or attack other writers for their efforts. Everybody does their own thing, and I'm sure there are a myriad of styles that I just don't understand. But the more I read and re-read the stories put forward by Korey, the more I came to realize that what I was reading was one of two things, either the most subversively genious piece of writing I had ever encountered, or a big steaming bowl of shit. After spending a lot of time with the work, I'm going to err on the side of shit.

For proof of the shittiness at play here, let's take one of the terrifying tales and put it right here in front of you. Let's see if you are as chilled to the bone as I am. To make it even scarier, picture it being read in a very deep voice, like Thurl Ravenscroft or James Earl Jones.

5. Dissecting the Disabled

I was student #4 in a total of nine university students studying towards becoming a science professor. We were all equipped with a lab coat and a small cutting utensil. The objects placed in front of us were different for each person. The items ranged from a severed pig's head to the crushed skeletal remains of an infant who's life had apparently been savagely stolen by his own step-dad's 30lb sledge hammer.
I would be dissecting, taking notes and generally showing off my knowledge learned from study on a select piece that had been cut out of a mentally disabled males body. It was the genital area and the anus. Basically the top half had been chopped off at the waist and the bottom half was cut at the top of the leg. We each went one by one as the professor and the students watched whoever was up. It was now my turn. "Well, let's see what you've learned #4," requested the Professor.
I prepared by cracking my neck and knuckles and took a deep breath with my dissecting tool in hand. At an astonishingly rapid pace, I then circumcised the rotten Pete. After the foreskin had been removed, the awful stench of dead smegma build-up filled my nostrils and made me gag. Ignoring the nauseating odor, I continued by neutering the bozac of the deceased. Next, I castrated the retarded son of a bitch, performed a vasectomy and concluded with an impressive reverse-vasectomy. Finally, I grabbed the mentally challenged hunk of decomposing meat and sodomized the shit out of it while performing fellatio on the severed shaft.
My classmates applauded in awe at my agility and swiftness. I popped the collar of my lab coat arrogantly and walked away. There was no need to see the rest of the students' feeble attempts at defeating me. The game had been won. The smile on my face at that moment was wider than it had ever been. I had succeeded.

Are you still here? I'm sure at least some of you ran screaming in terror or at least had to go and change your underwear. Brutal stuff, isn't it? It's very hard for the average person to make it through such a terrifying tale without slipping into panic attacks.

We have the setup: The narrator is a university student working towards the esteemed title of "science professor". Truly a noble cause, and we as the writer are inclined to hope for good fortune to shine upon our host.

And apparently it has, as the genitals and anus of a "metally disabled males body" became available. For what it's worth, I couldn't tell you the difference between a standard man's anus and a mentally challenged man's anus, but hey, HE'S the med student. I guess we have to defer to his knowledge.

He paints an intricate picture for us, giving us all of the detail and knowledge necessary for the reader to garner a complete understanding of the situation. "Basically the top half had been chopped off at the waist and the bottom half was cut at the top of the leg."

Wait, top half of what? The anus? The "genital area"? The disabled man? The top was cut at the mid and the bottom at the top of the bottom. Ohhh... Got it.

And now our student is forced to show what he's learned. Of course, as reader we're not certain yet what skill he will be exhibiting. But the next chilling passage will begin our nightmarish understanding.

"At an astonishingly rapid pace, I then circumcised the rotten Pete." Read enough of his work and you will see "Pete" is his standard slang for male genitalia. I like it because it feels so natural. If I had a nickel for every guy I've known who called his junk "Pete", I'd have a nickel. (Thanks, Korey666!)

Beyond this he seems impressed with his amazing speed and dexterity. Have you ever watched video of a circumcision? This is an intense process that can take upwards of thirty seconds, so being able to perform superfast circumcisions on dead people is a skill that will doubtless be in high demand when the narrator is later "doing science" as a professor.

"I continued by neutering the bozac of the deceased."

My bozac is LITERALLY aching right now at this very thought.

"Next, I castrated the retarded son of a bitch, performed a vasectomy and concluded with an impressive reverse-vasectomy."

Again, seriously, you're working on nothing but a dude's junk and anus. Ascribing negative social connotations to it just reeks of an immature writer looking to shock me with such "over the top" words as, "retard, homo, and faggot". Oh wait, he uses faggot SEVEN times throughout the course of these stories. Never mind...

The fun of this part, though, is the famed "reverse vasectomy". For reals, this guy didn't just perform a vasectomy on a retarded man's discarded nads, no, he performed a REVERSE vasectomy as well, and a god damned impressive one, I might add.

Fuck yeah, man, pat yourself on the back. A reverse vasectomy? This guy will the be the DEAN of the science department before this story is through. Damn!

And then comes the money shot, the line that makes it all worthwhile. This is the very sentence that the reader has been waiting for...the climax. After this we're in denouement territory, so make it a good one:

"Finally, I grabbed the mentally challenged hunk of decomposing meat and sodomized the shit out of it while performing fellatio on the severed shaft."

Holy hell, this guy is HARDCORE! I haven't even finished massaging out the pain in my bozac and now he's totally "sodomizing the shit" out of a discarded anus! And not just ANY anus, a mentally challenged hunk of decomposing anus. I might be more inclined to refer to it as bodily challenged at this point, but my argument is moot because Korey666 is sodomizing the shit out of it WHILE fellating the severed shaft! I'd give anything to be able to write with such flowing strokes, to have such words of beauty made visible to the reader.

But no, I feel that Korey666 is miles ahead of me.

His character is now satisfied that he is the best. No other student may challenge his abilities. Seriously, who could? Could anybody here neuter a bozac and sodomize a rotting anus while fellating a severed Pete in such a timely manner and with such STYLE?

With a story this intense, this mind rapingly horrifying, how best to end it? What do you do to top what will doubtless leave the reader shivering sleepless in their bed? Easy, kill yourself.

"Feeling more accomplished than ever, I treated myself to a giant pipe brutally cracking my skull in two."

Oh Korey666, you're so clever. What a great end to an amazing tale.


I will be posting more of Korey666's magnum opus, "Creepy Tales from the Darkside" in the coming days. When all is said and done I will post his work in its entirety to be enjoyed for what it is, a grand masterpiece.