25m - How High Can You Get?

Posted by E

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I had the good fortune last night of catching the movie "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters". Not to be confused with that OTHER monkey movie that everybody adores, The King of Kong is a documentary detailing one man's quest to become the world champion of Donkey Kong. I know that from the tidbit of plot information I just provided, you must rightly assume that this is a niche movie for geeks and gamers. However, you could not be further from the truth.

King of Kong tells the story of Steve Wiebe, an all-American chap who just never seems to get a break in life. Facing somewhat of a life crisis, he finds himself looking for something to fulfill his life, to give it purpose. He ends up perusing the score registry at Twin Galaxies and decides that he is going to try and beat the Donkey Kong world record.

The lurid underbelly of competitive gaming is shown to the viewer in exquisite detail. Everybody knows everybody and Steve is very much the outsider. Not only this, but the man whose score he has to displace is Billy Mitchell, a renowned gamer who holds high scores in several games.

The drama that unfolds is truly a David and Goliath scenario. Steve, humble and seemingly decent is pitted against Billy, who comes off as an arrogant prick. Will Steve fulfill his dream and become the Donkey Kong world champion? Will the forces of nature yet again conspire against him? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

The film is currently only in limited release, but I highly recommend it to any and all. Incidentally, interest in classic video games, while a plus, is certainly not a necessity for enjoyment of this movie.

God, What an Awful Racket!

Posted by E

Saturday, August 18, 2007

By now I'm sure you're aware, provided you've been reading the bilge I spew forth upon Bonez on a semi-regular basis, that my predilections tend to hover near the morbid. With all of the focus on death, destruction and misery in my posts, you must think that I'm some morose Emo type, sitting in a corner, reflecting in my dark thoughts and occasionally cutting myself in a desperate bid for attention. But, like any other person, I have interests and hobbies. For one, I love concerts. There's nothing like listening to live music, at least in my book. All of which makes a fantastic segue for a discussion of one of my favorite live bands...

GWAR is a band best known for their stage show, which regularly involves decapitation, disembowelment, torture, necrophilia, bestiality and many other delightful activities. But the fun part of GWAR is that everything I just mentioned is delivered in a tongue in cheek manner. Dressed in ridiculously over the top costumes, they present the persona of a team of space demons who are here to purge the world of humanity. All of the above mentioned acts involve spraying gallons of blood and detritus into the audience, thoroughly soaking all in attendance.

GWAR presents it all with a sick sense of humor. They don't take themselves very seriously at all and therefore seem to avoid the accusations that more prominent musicians such as Eminem and Marilyn Manson have to endure.

Musically, GWAR is quite diverse, playing everything from punk, metal and country to showtunes and experimental rock. The lyrics are every bit as perverse and obscene as the stage show, and although they are filled with tirades against humanity and all its ills, they never present themselves in a truly menacing light.

For a little bit of understanding of the nature of GWAR, here is their history, taken directly from their website:

"Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.

But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their cosmic crimes were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe...the seething mudball known as Earth.

Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed these creatures from their ageless coma...and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that’s two goals!

Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!"

The Strangest of the Strange

Posted by E

Thursday, August 9, 2007

I have to admit that one of the things I love most about the interweb is the sheer amount of pure absurdity you can run across. I made a few forays into this kind of territory 10 years ago, just for the sake of a few chuckles. (Yes, 10 years ago, so pardon the horrible page design.) But as the webs have matured, people have found methods to use this new medium in interesting ways. I present below a handful of some of the more amusing sites I've come across in my travels. For some of you, these may be old hat. I'm not going to try and claim that I am the only one that knows of them. Some, AYBABTU, for example, took on a life of their own. Others are just...yeah.

Our first site is one that I love to throw out in polite conversation because people never know quite how to react to its existence. Do you like Leonard Nimoy? Do you like salsa? Do you think Leonard Nimoy should eat more salsa? Well then, perhaps you should join up with this site and make your demands known.

How about Roy Orbison? Have you ever wanted to read a story about him being wrapped in Saran Wrap? How about a whole SERIES of stories? They're out there, if you're interested.

Have you ever found Jeff Goldblum's gaze a bit offsetting? Would it upset you to have him watching you in your most private moments?

This next one is an oldie, and in its day spawned an entire "ate my balls" subculture. The original is long defunct. This link is brought to you by the Internet Archive wayback machine.

Have you ever been fascinated by the ancient Japanese art of creating and maintaining bonsai trees? Haven't you always secretly wanted to do the same with kittens?

My next two entries are a little more adult in nature. Do you remember the 80's cartoon, Thundercats? Have you ever wondered how they'd look naked? Or have you ever played with a Lego set and wondered where the little Lego men came from?

To finish up, I'll send you off with a true internet classic. AYBABTU (Otherwise known as All Your Base Are Belong To Us). This little gem was discovered as the intro to the Sega Genesis game "Zero Wing". The voices are added for emphasis and were not originally part of the game. AYB spawned a true internet meme some 7 years ago, culminating in songs, stories, movies, hackings...you name it. This one is my personal favorite.

The Most Fun You'll Ever Have Pushing Buttons

Posted by E

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

There are few things on this earth more appealing to the ladies than a man with creative talent and ability. For example, women will swoon for a man that can play guitar and croon for them. It requires the complete trifecta: talent, skill and a willingness to put your worries aside and care not if others appreciate the majesty of your performance.

Some of us, however, don't have time for all that crap. Let's be realistic, it takes YEARS to learn how to play those things with any degree of skill. And then even if you learn it, you've got to make sure that the genres of music you play are compatible to the tastes of the woman you are attempting to woo. Go ahead and try to play anything off "Supersadomasochisticexpialidocious" by Elvis Hitler to a girl whose principal musical interest lies in Hank Williams, Sr. and see how for you get. And I'm not just talking out of my ass, here. I've been learning to play guitar for almost a solid week at this point, and let me tell you, it ain't as easy as it looks.

Luckily, there are options for those of us with all the natural talents of a sloth coupled with the attention span of a goldfish. I am referring, of course, to Guitar Hero, the video game phenomenon that has taken the country by storm.

Guitar Hero, for those not in the know, is a video game for the Playstation 2 and XBox 360 systems that allows you to simulate all the awesomeness of being a rock star without all the hassle of learning how to play an instrument. You are presented with a plastic representation of a real guitar, albeit in a smaller scale. Said guitar contains five buttons on the neck, Green, Red, Yellow, Blue and Orange, as well as a bar for "strumming" where the strings would be.

The premise is simple: A well-known (or not, depending on your tastes) song is played with you filling the role of the lead guitarist. The five buttons are represented at the bottom of the screen while the notes you are to play fly at you at a blinding speed. When the note you are to hit reaches the bottom of the screen, hit the appropriate button and strum the note. Play well and you raise your score while delighting the audience. Miss a note and a small squelch sounds. Miss too many notes and the audience becomes hostile, eventually booing you off the stage.

Guitar Hero, much like its true instrumental counterpart, requires practice. Early difficulties have you only managing three of the fret buttons. Expert has you flying back and forth over all five. Like real guitar, practice is the key. Unlike real guitar, you can get pretty good pretty quick. The true masters dedicate disturbing amounts of time to honing their craft.

What the game does offer, though, is a quick thrill. It is exhilarating to get lost in the moment, nailing key passages, solos, trills and whatever else the game throws at you. There are many songs to work your way through, of varying difficulty.

Those that have known me for any length of time know of my love for this game. As I mentioned earlier, I have now been learning real guitar for several weeks, and I can attribute a large part of my interest in learning as a result of my love for the digital version.

However, like any relationship, there is a darker side. The current bane of my existence is Hangar 18 on Expert. No song in this game tripped me up for more than 5 attempts. I number well over 200 attempts on this song and can't get past the 90% mark. To add insult to injury, this song was one of the main songs that bolstered my interest initially. I am a lifelong Megadeth fan and that song is one of their masterpieces.

Alas, I know not whether or not I will ever beat that song. If I were to do so, all I would have left is Freebird and then I could live out my life content with my level of awesomeness. For now I must simply live with the fact that I am only rated at "Super cool" instead of "Wicked bad" when it comes to this game.......sigh......

Addendum as of August 2: I beat both Hangar 18 and Freebird tonight. Now to 5 star everything. I guess I am finally wicked bad.

Now You'll See Your Star

Posted by E

Monday, July 30, 2007

Let it be known that there are two types of albums which appeal to me above all others: Conceptual and Complicated. I love a cohesive narrative that requires the listener to think and interpret, to find something relevant in the themes or story that is applicable to their own life. I also love music that is built in layers, so that each subsequent listening provides further insight into the sonic foundations of the song. Few albums can attain the musical and lyrical precision to offer both of these attributes at the same time. This article deals with one album that manages that, at least for me.

I know what you're thinking upon looking at the image provided to the left. Marilyn Manson!?!? I know, as if any of us should take him seriously. Trust me, I side with the majority of you. But in 1996, Manson (nee Brian Warner) managed to plumb the depths of his soul and pluck forth a glorious fruit of temptation. Each subsequent release by the band has seen them becoming more and more a parody of themselves, but in 1996 they were just plain evil.

Prior to the release of Antichrist Superstar, Marilyn Manson had only managed two major releases. (Portrait of an American Family and Smells Like Children) Though these were both fine albums in and of themselves, they were nothing particularly special. But the pairing of this band and the legendary Trent Reznor, locked away in the Benedict Canyon home of Sharon Tate and depriving themselves of food and sleep produced a once in a lifetime effort that still holds strong to this day.

As mentioned earlier, Antichrist Superstar is a concept album, a narrative told in three distinct cycles: The Heirophant, Inauguration of the Worm, and Disintegrator Rising. The album itself can be somewhat viewed as Thus Spake Zarathustra by Nietzsche set to music. Every song is a veritable landscape dripping with moody atmospherics, backwards masking, distorted repeating voices, haunting melodies and powerful guitar work. The narrative itself is designed to be open to interpretation. There is no right or wrong answer as to the meaning of the work. Every listener will bring their own experiences to the table and make of the lyrics what they will.

As a loose skeletal frame, the album can be viewed as a semi-autobiographical narrative of Manson's life. We open with Irresponsible Hate Anthem (the beginning of The Heirophant cycle), which presents us with Manson in the near future (claiming to have been recorded on February 14, 1997, though the album was released in October of 96), telling us that he is the poster child for what people fear and subsequently a target for misunderstood criticism. But above all, he wants to tell the listener that he has transcended humanity to become something larger. "I am the animal who will not be himself"

From this point we are propelled backwards to view the events of his childhood that shaped who we would grow into. The seeds of discontent are sown in a triptych of songs that illuminate his early years. The Beautiful People represents his exposure to religious indoctrination (he attended a catholic school). Dried Up, Tied Up and Dead to the World is his detachment from his family stemming from both his rejection of faith and the sexual abuse perpetrated by his grandfather. (This is dealt with more deeply later in the record.) Finally, Tourniquet shows us the depths of his withdrawal, whithering from the rejection he feels and constructing an imaginary companion.

Cycle Two begins with a dream detailing to Manson what he will ultimately become. "The worm" is born within him and his transformation from child to angel begins. The worm is representative of both the decay of who he was and the metamorphosis into who he will become. His transcendence of his mortal shell begins as well, as Manson rejects the spiritual and divine to proclaim himself the god of his own existence, the creator of his own destiny, the very manifestation of power. His rise to fame serves as the means to which he can broadcast this message of strength. The worm slowly takes over his physical form, transforming him into who he was born to be.

The final portion of the album (Disintegrator Rising) concerns the fully transformed Manson, christening himself the Antichrist Superstar. Antichrist in the context of the album does not refer specifically to Satan or the minions of Hell, but to the being he has transformed into, a god unto himself without fear of eternal damnation or promise of eternal bliss. He preaches his message of self empowerment to the masses, promising not eternal or internal peace, but strength and the power to guide one's own destiny. "I went to god just to see / and I was looking at me" Ultimately, his message is rejected. What becomes of him is not certain. Some interpret the end as his death, some his retraction from the public eye, and some as the end of the first act of a play (under the auspice that his two follow-up albums concern the same character).

Whatever one takes from the album, it is hard to deny the powerful message he is trying to portray. Whether you agree or disagree with his philosophies is irrelevant. It is not a condemnation of belief, nor is it an attack on organized religion. Ultimately, it is the presentation of another choice in your life, to take control of your beliefs or to hide behind them.

Stay Away...This Will Hurt Someone

Posted by E

Sunday, July 29, 2007

On January 22, 1987, convicted Pennsylvania Treasurer Robert "Budd" Dwyer called a press conference in his office. With his sentencing already scheduled for the following day, the press that arrived assumed that Budd would be resigning his post. At the commencement of the conference, Budd was profusely sweating and seemed extremely agitated and nervous. He did not read his entire prepared statement, stopping at the last page before calling on his staffers to hand out three envelopes. A fourth he kept for himself. The three envelopes he handed out were later revealed to contain a note to his wife, his organ donor card and a letter to the newly inaugurated governor.

From the fourth envelope Dwyer withdrew a .357 Magnum revolver and requested that those who would be offended should leave the room. Against the protestations and cries of the onlookers, Budd placed the barrel of the revolver into his mouth and fired a single shot. He slumped to the floor, his eyes glazing over and rivers of blood streamed from his nose and mouth. Of the six cameras present, five focused on the actions of one of his aides who stepped forward asking for a little decorum from the people present. The sixth zoomed in on Budd, continuing to roll as the life faded away from him.

In the aftermath it was determined that the reason for Dwyer's suicide was to insure that his $1.3 million pension would go to his family. After sentencing he would have been immediately removed from his post and the pension would have been lost. His actions have become a favored topic of professors in the study of journalism ethics, weighing the psychological impact of an event on viewers against the competition of other news outlets.

Though a famous case, Dwyer was not the first person to commit suicide on television. On July 15, 1974, Christine Chubbuck, during a taping of the Sarasota morning show "Suncoast Digest" encountered a technical glitch. Christine shrugged off the difficulties and stated, "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide". She then pulled a gun from a bag and shot herself behind the right ear. Her actions were part of the impetus for the film "Network".

Footage of Dwyer's suicide has become a favorite in "shockumentaries" as well as the internet. He made his mark on American pop culture that day. That he chose to do it in front of a press corps only cemented this.

The band Filter wrote a song called "Hey Man, Nice Shot" specifically about this event. It has been used in countless movie soundtracks.

Ministry used a clip of the suicide in their 1992 song "Just One Fix".

Faith No More and Marilyn Manson have also used footage of this event in their songs. (The World is Yours and Get Your Gunn, respectively.)

A short clip from this is also shown during a montage in Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine".

I have decided not to include a link to the video itself, so as to prevent accidental clicking by those who do not wish to view it. If you would like a link, let me know and I can provide it.

When There Is No More Room In Hell...The Dead Will Walk the Earth

Posted by E

Monday, July 16, 2007

I must admit that in the pantheon of horror antagonists, none pleases me more than the zombie. I am a bonafide zombie nut. Throw on a film full of zombies and I obtain a slack jawed blank stare. Try and engage me in conversation and you'll get little less than some grunts and moans. However, the down point to my love affair with the undead is the fact that 99% of all movies dealing with them, well...suck. But there are a few that stand out as truly decent films of their own accord. Which brings me to...

Dawn of the Dead is a 1978 film from director George A. Romero. It is the sequel to the groundbreaking 1968 film, Night of the Living Dead. Dawn picks up immediately where the previous left off. For reasons unknown the dead have returned to life and seek to feast on the living. Despite our best attempts to hold them off, the dead are slowly winning the war. Get bit by a zombie; you become a zombie. Die; you become a zombie. The only way to kill them is to destroy the brain.

The story opens in a television studio that is awash with chaos. Nobody knows where the zombies are coming from, all they know is that their numbers are growing. It won't be long before all the stations will be taken off the air. Seeing the imminent danger, Fran, a producer, and her traffic chopper boyfriend Stephen arrange to steal the station's helicopter and make a run for it. They invite along Peter, a member of the Philadelphia SWAT team who in turn invites Roger, a fellow SWAT member.

Much of the action of the film takes place in a shopping mall which the four find in their escape flight. After killing all of the zombies in the mall they lock it down tight and live out the American dream in an environment where everything they will ever need is right at their fingertips.

Dawn of the Dead stands out against most other zombie films because ultimately it is a film with a message. Romero has an underlying metaphor in the film, satirizing consumerism. Our characters flock to the mall as they can use and consume all the items within. Ultimately they find themselves content with the life they lead. The zombies flock to the mall for the same reasons, they are there to consume. (The living, of course!) Romero also makes the statement that our greatest allies in such an invasion are the gun owners and the hunters. "Those rednecks are probably enjoying this," Stephen points out, closely followed by a scene of hunters and rednecks cracking open beers, sharing coffee, and making a game of killing the undead.

The film was no stranger to controversy in its time. Upon submission to the MPAA it was given the dreaded X rating, with warnings that substantial cuts would have to be made to achieve an R. Romero eventually had to cut 13 minutes from the film to get the R rating. Because of this and also because of investment in the movie from Dario Argento, multiple cuts of the film exist. The recent Anchor Bay DVD release of the film recognizes this and as such contains three completely separate edits of the film, all with scenes not present in the others and also with different musical scores.

Though the gore in the film is cartoonish and tame by today's standards, this is still a film worth watching. Despite its story, themes and content, this is actually a good movie. Almost everybody I've shown the film to, horror fan or not, has agreed that it is well made, well acted and thoroughly entertaining. As a personal aside, I find that the "Extended Cut" is the superior version of the film. This was the original cut submitted to the MPAA.

A few fun bits of trivia about the film:

In the dock scene early in the film, one of the people that Stephen encounters is Josef Pilato, who would go on to play the role of Captain Rhodes in Day of the Dead.

If you are watching the Extended Cut of the film, the music that plays when they set the alarm prior to the biker's arrival is the same bit of music that opens Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (Romero is notorious for using stock music in his films.)

The original ending called for Peter to shoot himself due to his unwillingness to leave the mall behind. Upon hearing the shot, Fran jumped into the spinning blades of the helicopter and decapitated herself. As the credits roll we would have heard the helicopter running. As they drew to a close it was to sputter and run out of gas. Romero denies filming this sequence, but makeup director Tom Savini has produced behind the scenes photos of them doing so.

The television show Robot Chicken uses one of the songs from Dawn of the Dead as its closing musical number...clucked by chickens.

Greetings Paraskavedekatriphobics!!!!

Posted by E

Friday, July 13, 2007

Much is made every year at the arrival of Friday the 13^th. To some it is an ill omen, portending an overall malice and general malaise. Some, like me, rather enjoy the day because it seems to creep so many others out.

What is the significance of Friday the 13^th? Why are so many people high strung about it? Nobody seems to know for certain, but there are a few theories on the matter. (Taken from Wikipedia)

· The Last Supper which is supposed by popular Christian belief to have been on Thursday, with Judas numbered among the thirteen guests (Jesus plus his 12 apostles), and that the Crucifixion of Jesus which is supposed by popular Christian belief to have occurred on a Friday. However, Judas was not actually present for the latter part of the meal.

· Friday 13^th October 1066 was the last day of the reign of the Saxon King Harold II. On this day, William, Duke of Normandy offered Harold the option of ceding the crown; Harold declined the offer. The Battle of Hastings took place the following day (Saturday 14th October 1066). Harold was slain and William took control of England.

· Friday and 13 were both sacred to the Norse goddess Freyja, so Friday 13th was especially sacred. Christians who wished to suppress her worship said the day was unlucky.

Fear of Friday the 13^th itself is a relatively modern phenomenon, seeming to have mainly come about in the 20^th century. In honor of this unique day, not quite a holiday, but certainly a day of note, I present to you some recommended entertainment. This list is specific to films that occur on or around a holiday.

New Year’s – Bloody New Year
Valentine’s Day – My Bloody Valentine
St. Patrick’s Day – Leprechaun
April Fool’s – April Fool’s Day
Easter – The Being
4^th of July – Uncle Sam
Halloween – Halloween
Thanksgiving – Thanksgiving (This is a GRAPHIC trailer from the film Grindhouse.)
Christmas – Silent Night, Deadly Night / Black Christmas / Don’t Open Til Christmas
Friday the 13^th – Friday the 13^th
Birthdays – Happy Birthday to Me

By the way: A delicious chocolate chip cookie to the first person that can tell me where the music in the Thanksgiving trailer came from. :)

It's Like Blood to a Vampire

Posted by E

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

In the song “Vicarious” by Tool, the following is stated:

We all feed on tragedy
It’s like blood to a vampire

Taken in the context of the entire song, the meaning is such: We all, though we may try to hide it, take some personal joy in the misfortune of others. We’re all guilty of slowing down while passing an accident. Many (not all) of us take on a morbid fascination in the more unhappy offerings from the media: news and otherwise. Notice that CSI and its multitudinous offspring remain quite popular on the television?

For many, this is all the morbidity they need, otherwise content to dwell in the sunlit world of what they believe to be reality. But there is, unseen by most, an underworld of entertainment. A world that is just as real, but not as brightly lit. (Pardon my levity.)

Violent entertainment has been with us since our beginnings. One only has to read ancient texts to hear of public stoning, witch burning, gladiatorial combat…the list goes on and on. As much as some in the world like to harp that modern violent entertainment is a herald for the end of mankind, the fact remains that it has always been a part of life.

The fact of the matter is that there are those of us out there who crave more ghoulish fare. Those who are doomed to be drawn to what is “swept under the carpet”. Some fit the stereotypes you would expect, some are the average Joe you meet on the street. I fall in the latter category. J

The various forms of media we are subjected to are intended to entertain and generate some form of reaction in us. Whether that intention is to amuse, excite, titillate or frighten is dependent upon the whims of the creator and the receptivity of the audience. Literature throughout the ages has attempted to test boundaries. In the history of film there have been myriad movies that attempted to push the limit of what is acceptable. Video games, though a comparably new medium, have also caused their own minor controversies.

I seek to offer a tour through the lurid underbelly of the darker forms of entertainment. Yes, I am one of THOSE guys. I possess an all-too encyclopedic knowledge of horror films, “extreme” entertainment, violent video games and all things morbid.