Friday, September 12, 2008
This post is so NSFW that you should just turn off your monitor now. If you get fired, it's your own fault. Clicking on any of the following links will bring up graphic images of sex, genetalia, and possibly even *gasp* tits!
So... I am a man with functioning testicles and penis. Therefore, I like the porn. BUT I feel like a complete prude when it comes to my particular tastes. Kinda like when you're a big fan of 1 on 1 heterosexual intercourse in a bed, and you hear about 3 girls fucking one dude on top of 747.. Like "what am I missing out on?". I wonder about what other people I know are into, and why they lean towards those preferences.
I like naked women. That about covers my pornographic preferences. And since the definition of pornography is "obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, esp. those having little or no artistic merit", I'm not even sure I like porn. I am spanking it to art! I am fucking classy! So when my wife asks me if I look at porn, I can honestly answer "no!". Well.. except for that hot lesbian stuff.
Hell, my whacking material doesn’t even require nudity. I even get in to the "almost nude" stuff like KariSweets and TiffanyTeen. Basically, really hot girls that may show the hint of the edge of a nipple. If you're REALLY lucky, you might get to see them in a see-thru shirt! I love that shit. And I can't explain why. I know that I could go find all the nipples and asses and vaginas I could ever want withing seconds, but sometimes that's not what I'm after.
If I am feeling especially dirty that day, I will go for the more "hardcore" full nudity stuff, and maybe even some masturbation! I might check out some Kate’s Playground, or Jordan Capri. I know, crazy, right?
Other preferences for my "me time":
- Small Tits.. A's and B's are perfect IMO
- Small Nipples.. I HATE giant saucers
- Eraser Nipples..
- Short Girls.. 5'7 or under please
- Shaved Pussy (waxed, actually)
- Nice Ass (not big)
Wow.. just reading that list, you psychology students should have a field day with those, huh?
Things that I do NOT want to see in my porn:
- Dicks - I never want to see penis, for any reason. I cannot understand a heterosexual guy seeing a dude's Nutsack flopping around, and being able to finish the job. I know it's normal for guys to like the blow job or hand job porn, but I hate the sight of a penis. Guys are douchebags, and in porn, they are ultra-douchebags. Which brings me to the next thing I hate.
- "Porn Talk" - OMG people, STFU! I cannot stand hearing a chick scream out such lovely things as "Fuck my wet cunt!!" or "I love your big cock!!". Ugh. And to hear dudes in porn throw out the "You're a fucking whore" or "Take that big dick", makes my penis invert. It's all about degrading the women, and turning them into whores and slaves. I hate this shit.
- Body Fluids - I dont want to see cum, spit, piss, shit, juice or any other bodily fluid. How do people find this shit sexy? I was watching one the other day that I THOUGHT was of my standard fare (Naked woman). Then this stupid bitch starts just taking handfuls of spit and rubbing herself with it. Fucking yuck.
- Beef Curtains - Not much needs to be said here, but dangling and brown is never a good thing in my world.
- "Ethnic Girls" - I like white girls, that's it. Whiter the better in most cases - I guess my Irish DNA maks me seek out equally as pale mates. I can find other races to be attractive, but I don't want to see them naked. For example, everytime I see Padma Lakshmi on TV, I think she is the hottest thing ever. But I have no desire to see her naked, or use her for spank material. It's not a racist thing, it's just my preference.
- S&M - Pain and sex do not exist in the same world for me. I cannot understand whipping, spanking, ball torture, nipple clamps, etc. to be at ALL sexual.
- Anything mentioned in E's post "Give it up for Ultraporn".
I am not sure why I felt the need to share this, but I think it's a fascination with the difference of preferences. I am sure that you could find out more about a man's past and psychological issues by browsing his porn than spending hours in therapy. I would love to know why some people find golden showers to be hot, or why others grab their tissues for a good session of scat porn. I don't understand it in the slightest, and that is so interesting to me.
Wow.. just reading back through this post, this should be a search engine darling, huh?
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8 comments:
I would go through the three million ways in which I disagree with you, but it'd be way more information than you'd ever want.
My only complaint is: no saucer nipples? But I thought you loved me....
Oh come on.. I put some of my most personal thoughts and preferences out there for the world to see. The least you can do is entertain me with your thoughts and counterpoints.
The main reason I put this out there is my curiosity on the subject.
I'm pretty easy. You can sum it up this way:
*.*
I'll give anything a go. The only thing I'll absolutely say no to is scat and watersports. And I can do without that BME crap. Just not my thing.
Apart from that, have your inter-species five way whip fisting. It's all good to me.
That portion of my life is much as the rest, I'll take it all in. I'm always on the lookout for something different.
I prefer not to see geriatrics, but whatever. I'm with you on curtains, though. That shit's nasty. (I can direct you to videos of females trimming their curtains.) Animals aren't my bag, but I can get a good laugh out of it or at least an "Ewwwwwwww".
I guess it comes down to my standard motto with everything. "If you'll film it, I'll watch it."
Porn, all in all, doesn't really interest me. It's not that I find it gross or offputting. It's just biology. It's just mammals slinging DNA at one another. Not really all that exciting.
I know if they film it, you'll watch it.. That's not the point here. What do you jack off to? You may not be as formulaic as I am, but there has to be a line of hot, and not hot.
If you think about sexual attraction from a primal brain-programming point of view, you can imagine how easy it must be for the brain to get cross-wired for sexual arousal from strange stuff.
Check out some of the members-only pr0n sites that are run by couples with video cameras that take fetish requests. Wanna see a chick dressed only in balloon animals doing oral on a guy sporting mustard and ketchup on his wang? All major credit cards accepted!
Diff'rent Strokes, Willis.
You do recall that I lost my private office after the move and no longer have a door. I can just see me copying and pasting the links for 'Liz Vicious' or 'Wife Crazy' as our controller walks past my cubicle. That will get back to the home office faster than light. We're talking quantum-fired here!
And no mention of panties or thongs?
I completely agree with everything you've said in this post; every word and sentence.
It's great to see that there are people in the world who are like me.
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