Tuesday, September 2, 2008
This year, a friend of mine got me in to fishing. I hate him for that.
He hyped me up by telling me how fun it is, and stories of fish he has caught. It's never been "my thing" but what the hell, I'll give it a shot.
He lives on a little lake, so luckily it doesn't cost us anything or require any driving. We started off in the spring, and went quite a bit - mainly late at night. We would head out on his lake's pier, drink a ton of beer, and smoke a lot of cigars. We caught a bunch of catfish - including a pretty damn big one that he caught. I loved it.
Ok, so now I am "hooked". I go to Bass Pro Shops, get a couple of fishing poles, a little "starter" tackle box, and every kind of pure I can think of. I am gonna catch some fucking fish!!
Nope. No, I'm not.
I decided that I wasn't interested in catfish anymore, as that is just "too easy". I wanted to catch "Real" fish - Bass. Little did I know that these little bastards are the most finicky little shits on the planet - EVERYTHING affects them!! If it's too boo boo sunny, they go to the bottom and hide. If it's too cold they just sleep all the time. If you look at them, they take it personally, and will not touch your lure.
Unless they are on video.. Then these assholes are jumping in to the boat, jumping out of the water, biting at everything in sight! My friend tells me to start watching this show that shows what the fish are doing underwater, and shows these guys catching them. I swear to you they must have caught 30 bass in an hour. I think the sprinkle cocaine on the lake 20 minutes before they go out - because these fish are just retarded and hyper.
So.. Since actually investing money, I have caught maybe 5 fish, and they were all the size of overfed minnows. I have not even seen a bass in real life. I swear that they do not exist. I have tried 4 different lakes, I have tried every time of the day, I have tried every type of lure known to man, and I just can't catch anything! Oh, and I could be fishing with Bill Dance and he wouldn't catch anything either. The fish hate me so much that even my friends are punished.
My typical day at the lake goes something like this; I arrive at the lake with an optimistic attitude. I throw one worm in on a bobber, and use the other pole to throw lures. I throw the lure, and then immediately snag it on something. I have caught trees (dead AND alive ones), turtles, sticks, leaves, rocks, the dock, and myself. After I snag the lure, I try for about 5 minutes to get it loose, before I just snap the line, and put another lure on the line (to lose within the next few minutes). Usually during the time when I am most pissed and frustrated, my bobber starts jumping. I get so excited that I cant figure out which pole to grab, and then when I DO figure it out, I yank so hard that if there WAS a fish on the line, I would have just ripped his face off. I then pull in the empty hook (because they have stolen my worm), and put another worm on it. Rinse and repeat.
It would be a lot more fun for me to just go to the lake, dump my tackle box in to the water, and then sit back and drink beer.
I am not at all an uncoordinated person normally, but I am like a fishing blooper reel, I kid you not. The things I have done while fishing are just amazingly dumb. My friends that have been fishing their whole lives have on multiple occassions just looked at me and said "Wow, I have never seen anyone do that before!". Like for example, a few weeks ago, I went to cast, and the lure caught in the pier. When I went forward, the line snapped. Half of the pole was then cast about 40 yards out in to the middle of the lake. But on the bright side, that was one of the few times I snagged a lure, and was able to get it back. Then one of the neighborhood kids swam in the lake to get the other half of my pole. That was an hour where the focus was just on laughing at myself, and drinking beer - aka the best "fishing experience" for me.
Well now the summer is winding down, and the best fishing times will soon be behind us. I will have to put this conquest on hold until next spring. But I will NOT be beaten by this redneck sport!!!
So now I am thinking about getting in to hunting.. My wife thinks I am turning in to a redneck. Oh well.
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4 comments:
If you've been to Bass pro, then youve seen a real bass. my suggestion: watch the fishing forecast on the news, it tells you the best times. get a book on it and read up before getting all frustrated? maybe you should only have one line out at a time.. with a bobber that you watch.. half of fishing is having patience. and typically a bobber isnt used when you use flies. if you see the bobber bobbing, you gotta set the line. ask your fisher buddies how to do this (typically it means jerking the line up)
but anyways, for bass, they like flies, they like being near the shore and yes they like shade. i've caught large mouth bass usually near the shoreline. Brim i've caught under the dock with a cricket and a bobber.
No.. those "bass" they puts in the tanks at Bass pro shops - Robots.
Bass are in the same classification as bigfoot and nessie as far as I am concerned.
Thanks for the tips! I have tried the fishing forecast (I use the one on weatherchannel.com) with no luck..
When I use a bobber, it is 85% of the time a worm, and the rest would be minnow..
I amazingly do know enough to know how to set the line, it's that whole getting the fish to bite part that I have trouble with =)
crickets
and dont smush the cricket, make sure it's still twitching
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