Times Were Different Then

Posted by E

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sometimes you can't remember the start of a story. In a way that just makes it all the more fun.

Take me, for example. Here I am reminiscing about the time I was sent to kill Santa Claus and forgot how we got the gun in the first place.

I mean, I totally remember the three of us standing in line to meet him. The replica .45 was very heavy in the inside pocket of my coat.

The .45 was a replica. But it looked real. Hell, it WAS real aside from the lack of firing pin and plugged up barrel. For all intents and purposes, it appeared to be a real gun.

I couldn't tell you how it got in my pocket. I'm not stupid, I know I played a large role in this decision, but I simply cannot accept that I decided this was the best course of action all my own.

I spent the majority of my teenage years locked in a deadly game of one-upmanship that amazingly resulted in no fatalities.

Regardless of how it ended up there; there it was.

Understand that I hate guns. I feel very awkward being around something that is potentially fatal. I'm an accident prone person, so a firearm tends to make me more than a tad uneasy.

But fake guns? Meh, they feel nice. And bear in mind this was before Columbine.

And this was in an outlying town of Stumblebum. This wasn't the big city.

We stood in line, waiting for our chance to see Santa.

I recall looking to one youngster in line and warning him, "You'd better go ahead. We're here to kill Santa." He turned ashen with horror, no doubt stripped of another slice of innocence.

Santa was a drunken mess, reeking of vodka. Terry swore that Santa was a tad too friendly with the butt squeezing.

We got our picture and stopped to eat at Burger King. Terry and I acted out a scene where I pulled the gun on him for eating my fries.

The police were not contacted.

That entire day was spent flashing that weapon, jokingly telling people that we were here to do horrible things. But we never acted in malice.

People were stunned but they largely ignored our antics.

All day we flashed that gun.

The police were not contacted.

Times were different then.